When I woke up today my first thought, as it is most days, was, “You know, there sure are a lot of libertarians that are bigots in the liberty movement, so I will make witch hunting each of them a number one priority.” That includes you, yes you, the person reading this. You are a bigot. So I am sitting here wondering what can be done about it. Well, that’s simple. I will take politically fashionable opinions and attack any disagreement. First, you must admit that you are bigot. Denying it would mean you are a bigot. Only bigots deny it. There is no way out of this. I know there are plenty of bigots because my friends on Facebook said so. I obviously don’t hang out with bigots, so I don’t have any way at all in knowing this is true, but who cares? Even so, my arguments are logical and emotion free.



How do I know you are a bigot? That’s easy. You are not me. You disagreed with me. You aren’t in my social circle. I am writing about this, and you aren’t. If you were writing about this then you wouldn’t be a bigot, ergo proving my claim. Yes, you. The one who is attempting to educate others on economics, voluntary exchange, the war on drugs, statism, free markets, and so on. The one out there innovating, being an entrepreneur, looking for market solutions to shrinking the size and scope of the State. The one who is making an effort to persuade individuals to become libertarians and let go of the State- while I contribute to libertarianism by sitting here, bashing potential allies and any who try to refute my emot… er… uh… logic. I know you. I know you more than you know yourself. You came to libertarianism solely for the bigotry. You don’t care about ending the State or decreasing it’s size. You really want libertarianism to harbor bigots and to be one yourself. The jig is up.
Let me expand some more.


You see, the reason I am not a bigot and you are is because when presented with choosing between spending time (like you do) explaining the evils of the state — a monopoly on coercive power that historically and currently engages in atrocities on a grand scale — and railing against jokes I find offensive, perceived discrimination, and cultural traditions I find discomforting, I will go with the latter. And, to prove I am not a bigot, I will do so in a holier than thou, “this group has it worse than that one” manner, instead of pointing out injustice in all cases.



It doesn’t matter if you think you are opposed to bigotry. You aren’t opposed to those beliefs enough. You may think that you and I are the same (since when it comes down to it I also believe that a bigot has this right; plus you and I are both for ostracizing and shunning bigots, thus not making me a unique snowflake), but we are not. My script demands that you get upset about bigotry, and do something, but I’m not going to tell you what I want you to do, only that everything you actually do is either wrong or insufficient. Even if you agree with the same means being used against bigots, the fact that you aren’t essentially out in the streets protesting alleged libertarian bigots constitutes you as one. Therefore, bigotry.



Unless libertarians like you get “bigotry sucks” tattooed on their foreheads, your commitment to anti-bigotry is weak and insufficient. Inside you may disagree with bigotry, but you don’t say it out loud. Unless you say, “By the way, bigotry is wrong” after every sentence, you are a bigot. Even if you say it out loud, you aren’t saying it loud enough.



See, I have the moral high ground. The moral high ground is an impenetrable castle. Once I have claimed it, my stance is secured and backed by purity and monopolistic virtue. When in a dispute, I always claim the moral high ground just in case I don’t feel like using facts. Winning an argument isn’t about you, or me even, it’s about everyone else. Being at the top of the moral high ground is always preferable, since everyone can hear me shouting down to those below me. There is no refutation to this law.



So why are you such a bigot? Do you think that a bigot has the right to refuse service to a minority? Then you are bigot. Oh, what’s that? Even if you’re opposed to why those bigots are discriminating, it doesn’t matter as this would be “rubbing shoulders with bigots.” Which by some sort of logic makes you a bigot — guilty by association.



Have you ever made a joke about another individual of a different ethnicity, gender, or sexual preference without actually meaning it? Then you are a bigot. I will call you out on this bigotry, and I will even use derogatory terms to do so, however I am immune due to my politically correct demeanor and legion of popular friends to support me. Did I mention my moral high ground too? As it stands, there is only one way to oppose bigotry, and that is to respond with bigotry and hatred in return. There is an urban myth out there that we should fight bigotry via alternate means such as comedy which exposes how silly bigoted stereotypes are, but that is false. You are just a bigot, and that is perpetuating bigotry. No, of course making jokes about cops beating citizens isn’t perpetuating violence from police, nor is joking about drone bombing perpetuating mass murder.



That is only something bigots say to justify bigotry.



Our goal as libertarians is to create caricatures and generalizations of libertarians which creates even more divisiveness among libertarians. Stereotyping  and bullying is wrong unless it’s done in the name of fighting bigotry. You used to think that libertarianism was about letting people do what they want or think freely as long as they are not harming others’ property. You bigots used to think that disagreeing with these bigots was enough. No way. What are you, some sort of bigot? Well, we have already established that, but this thinking will lead to a culture of bigots. That’s a slippery slope my friends. You, a bigot,  think what I’m saying is pretentious, thence it must be right. If you question what I have perceived is discrimination as inaccurate and me just making false accusations, then you are just denying the existence of such bigotry saturated in the liberty movement, despite the fact that I only have my claims, anecdotal arguments, and statements taken out of context. The fact that people are questioning my claim proves my claim. Try and call me out and that only cements my idea that you people are bigot apologists… and you’re all a bunch of meanies and that’s why my argument is right and you are bigots.

Now put down your bigoted LvMI literature and go out and fight those bigoted libertarians. Shave those neckbeards I generalize all of you for having, but it’s okay for me pick on you because bullying others by making bogeyman generalizations in the name of fighting alleged bigotry is okay. Some would say any mocking and bullying is just as “bad” – whether it be based on race, or wearing glasses, or just being “nerdy” or whatever- but that is just plain silly. We must focus on groups, because libertarianism is about collective groups. It is only bad to be a bigot and not a bully, because feels.


Or something…. crybaby.



What are you still doing reading this? Stop trying to end the State. This is more important. My friends and I on Facebook unanimously agreed. And if you don’t think so too you aren’t a trooo libertarian. I’m a libertarian, and this is what I believe, therefore libertarianism is what I believe.


Some of you bigots think that somehow you’re being courageous or heroic for being bigots. Of course, I may call you bigots “heroes” for defending your beliefs (the ones that I share, but without the bigotry). But when I sarcastically call you heroes, what I’m really saying is that I am a hero. You read that correctly! I’m the truly heroic one here because, after all, it takes immense moral courage to oppose bigotry in the 21st century. People like John Brown and Rosa Parks ain’t got nothing on me. All of the facetious praise that I lavish upon you racist homophobes is really my indirect means of reminding all of you bigots how morally superior to you I really am. When I jokingly tell you how smart you are, I am — obviously — reminding you how smart I am. Because, of course, only I can be intelligent enough to defend the right to be a racist asshole without actually condoning racism or assholishness, which are wrong. Unless I’m being an asshole to you, which is okay, because you’re a bigot. After all, you’re arguing that bigots should be allowed to exist even though you don’t posses the mental capacity to distinguish that from moral condonation (but I do, exclusively). So pat yourself on the back, you bigots! And by that, again, I really mean that you should pat me on the back. Applaud me, your moral and intellectual superior, for I alone have the ability to hold your personal philosophical beliefs without being the racist, homophobic, misogynist that you are for holding these beliefs with me.